Death be my constant companion on the path I live.

I am writing this blog post about unrequited loves and unrelenting hurts, Suddenly, I remembered this song. Nothing new to be said on the subject. Love always seems to be as much of a pain as a joy. So turn up the volume and slow dance. Memories? The sweet taste of loves found and lost in your mouth.

I am listening to the song and strolling down the boulevard of broken dreams and see if there is anybody I recognize. I have been down some mean streets but when I talk to friends who lost loved ones, I think the meanest street is Love Lost. Little can ever be said to help endure loss. Not just romantic love, but close family and friends leave that same hole in the soul.

I came back from visiting Tucson AZ. I have wanted to go back there for a while and work through losses there. The one loss that evaded any healing was losing my friend Jerry. I wanted those closest to him to commiserate with me. But there was no one I could reach for years.
And then this trip I had a long dinner with 2 of his daughters. It filled a bit of that hole in my soul to enjoy their company. It brought more healing in 3 hours than the 5 years since he died.

Similarly, my old boarding school roommate died around 1986 but I did not find resolution for 20 years, when my phone rang with a call from a long lost mutual friend. Then I could explore my feelings and share meaningfully about the loss.

Sharing and caring can precipitate healing, (and more hurt). I do hurt for people who lack the people and resources to facilitate healing. Psychologically handicapped and alone in their own hearts and minds. I worry for their mental health in those situations. In fact, I have floated away at times from everyone because pain robbed me of a voice to express the feelings. I think that is called depression.

If I believed I was alone, I would quit. But I am always reminded that I am loved. What a blessing that is.

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
― Kahlil Gibran

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