Haters be hating

So I just posted something about haters on Facebook. I mentioned the manner in which I would like to reply to FB people who hate on others. I mentioned dipping my toe in the hate pool.

I had a conversation with my wife Sunday. She said something to the effect of, “I like that the real you has emerged”. She specifically was referring to how much nicer I behave. I retorted that I do not believe the real me is sweeter. I believe the natural me is quite “difficult”. I explained to her that being sweet and its accompanying attributes is a major effort, that being hostile and aggressive has always come quite easily and naturally.

I am not proud of that fact but for the sake of clarity and reality, I hope that folks can learn what I have learned. I discovered that I could be better but being kind is laborious. I know I have been a good person most of my days. I have acted with great kindness and compassion quite often. But no one would have, or at least should have characterized my behavior based on those moments in contrast to my more common behavior.

So, if like me, you are, or know someone who is, a “difficult” person, you might suggest that it need not be. There is a path(s) which leads to a better acting self. For me, my path has been a combination of 12 step recovery and Buddhism/mindful meditation. It can be hard to convince someone that with effort they can dramatically change their behavior, especially if like me, they spent years in therapies and many nights wishing unsuccessfully, to be different.

I can not believe that if I abandon the effort I will continue to be seen as a sweet man. Aggression is lurking in my psyche, ready to roll on a moments notice. Thus do I arrive at the conclusion that we have not discovered the “real me” when gazing upon my better acting self. The real me would be happy to stick around even in the absence of behavioral modifications. If you believe that I am a naturally sweet man, then you should be vigilant against the possibility of being sold swampland in Florida.

16 thoughts on “Haters be hating

  1. Reblogged this on allabouteve16 and commented:
    Sadly, there all people who (and I don’t mean you lawdisorder) who are so full of hate that they persecute innocent people online and due to their narcissistic ways, they play the victims. Now, I could name a couple of haters and many, including me, victims. The haters tend to set up pages on fb etc about haters and what should be done with them but in truth I don’t get how they are so full of hate nor how they cannot see the truth. Hatred eats away your heart and soul. What I have learnt from being in this situation as a victim (and believe me the things this evil troll has done are evil) is to pity her, feel nothing bad towards her, because if I let her get to me then she’s won and I end up as bad as her wasting my life. Life is too short to waste!

  2. Actually, the turmoil that haters hold inside of them is so stressful for them, always running negative tapes in their head is the road away from happiness. But to just stop being negative is a near impossibility unless the negative is replaced with something positive. If there is a vacuum ….negative thoughts will be the first to fill the space.. I too have found that meditation has seriously helped me to begin to clear my mind. As soon as I catch myself with negative predictions of the future or ugly thoughts about the past I pull myself in through a 2 or 3 minute meditation. It has produced a calmer and happier me. I kept my mind and body busy with positive stuff (hobbies, volunteering etc.) and I must say being positive is much more enjoyable than being a hater. Saint I am not…happier I am.

      1. me too……. I have to be always monitoring my thoughts in order to stay positive, but the effort is well worth it. I have wasted far too much time being critical and plotting vengeance! lol lol lol

    1. Graphicmatrix, I totally agree. These people are sick inside and seem to just have limited brain space and little lives. My tormentor can’t have kids and while that must be terrible for her, she shouldn’t rake her disappointment out on everyone else. Thank God she can’t have them though because there are enough kids in this world who are screwed up due to their parents. Haters hate, normal people care and love!

  3. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    Kindness is strength not weakness. It is hard to let people know the soft side. Facebook haters are just people that have nothing better to do in my opinion. I mean really that is all they have to do is attack random strangers?? It is really stupid

    1. Kindness is strength but where I was raised, that would never be said. So I had 55 years of belief that aggression was strength. Takes years to overcome the message.

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